Hairless doesn’t equal modest

As bathing suit season begins, there is a lot of talk about “bikini waxing”.  There are a lot of options out there that I thought were all under the category of “bikini waxing” but that is merely one level.  There’s also Californian and Brazilian.  Might one of these be the name for the “landing strip” style which appears to be so popular?  What are the differences, and why do I want to pay a stranger $35 to $50 to rip hair out of my delicate private parts?  I’m having a hard time picturing this conversation over the phone, but here’s what I’m imagining:

Me:  Hi, yes, I’d like to schedule an appointment for waxing.

Them:  Oh, sure, was there someone in particular you wanted to schedule with?

Me:  No, this is my first time coming to your salon.

Them: Okay, what did you want to have done?

Me:  Um, my bikini line?

(note that I’ve gone from stating to asking)

Them:  Oh, okay, well, Jasmine has a spot open on Thursday, if you just want a regular bikini wax.  If you want a Brazilian, she’ll need more time for that, so you’d have to wait until Friday.

Me:  Um, what’s the difference? 

Them:  Well, a Brazilian will make you completely hairless, the Californian will give you the landing strip look, and a regular bikini wax will follow your tan line so your hair won’t show while you’re in your bathing suit.

(I have no idea if that’s true, remember, I’m imagining, making believe, pretending…)

Me:  Um, how about Thursday, then?

Them:  All right, 10:00 work for you?

Me: Oh, uh, no, you know what?  Let me check with my husband, I think I have a thing that day, I’ll call you back.

All that in order to avoid saying:  Sure, um, what do I wear? And, like, do I need to trim my hair first?  And, what’s Jasmine like?  Will I feel comfortable having her servicing my girl parts?  How much is it going to hurt?  Should I take some advil first?  How long will it be before I can comfortably put on my underwear and jeans? 

 

This may be the real reason I have yet to follow friends’ advice to have this done professionally.  Instead, I have my trusty razor and a new trick I picked up from my friend, the minister’s wife, who picked it up from a friend, who got it from a stripper (small world, no?) – put deodorant on after you shave so you don’t get razor bumps.  But why do we do this at all?

 

I can remember standing in line at a water park next to a lady who had a little bit of pubic hair showing on her thigh when I was about 11.  I thought, “Oh, that’s her pubic hair.”  It wasn’t indecent.  It wasn’t gross.  As an 11 year old, I didn’t have much opinion on the subject.   I don’t think I should have much opinion on it today.  If what we’re trying to do is push back the line of modesty, to say that the only thing that matters is not seeing evidence of a sexually mature woman, who are we really fooling?  In the same way that small triangles of fabric strung up by little strips of  fabrics isn’t really letting you forget what’s under there, shaving (or waxing) pubic hair is really just allowing for false modesty.

 

If bathing suits were less revealing, would anyone besides porn stars feel the need to remove their pubic hair?  If the only people that were going to see your pubic hair were you, your husband and your doctor, would you want to go through that pain and hassle and expense?  I wouldn’t.  My husband, good man that he is, assures me that whatever I want to do is fine with him.  I’m pretty sure my doctor won’t mind.  Which begs the question, why are we wearing such revealing suits?  Because it’s fashionable?  There’s a great idea – let’s walk around barely dressed so that we can get skin cancer in even more places!  Swimsuits are pretty form-fitting.  They don’t leave much to the imagination.   Can’t we just imagine that there isn’t hair?  Where is the designer that is willing to make a bathing suit that isn’t designed to hide fat, but is designed to allow for some modesty?  I wonder whether the pendulum of fashion will ever return to decency, or if we are heading back to the time of the loincloth.  If loincloths are coming back into fashion, then surely the rugged natural look can’t be far behind.