Some are my own mothers, some are not, but I’ve learned from them all.

  1. If you make the recipe the exact same way every time, measuring every item precisely, it will turn out the same way every time.  This will be a good thing, until your family gets bored of this dish.  When your cooking is more unpredictable, you don’t need as many recipes in your reportoire.  However, you may find that dinner is occasionally inedible.
  2. Using paper plates for every meal will make your children exclaim over how fancy their friends are when they use “the real china,”  thus exposing them as uncultured hicks.
  3. Sometimes, your mother wants a cigarette just as badly as you do.
  4. Teaching your child how to avoid getting arrested is always good advice.  Teaching your child not to break the law in order to avoid getting arrested is better advice.
  5. It is possible to escape crazy-cat-lady status by simply adding kids and a husband.  Voila!  You are now eccentric and loveable!
  6. Take care of your teeth if you tend to laugh with your mouth wide open or go slack-jawed in surprise.
  7. Actually, once you’re dead and gone, they WILL remember that you never did the dishes and there was always something growing in the sink.   And if you always did the dishes, they’ll remember the time that you didn’t.  In the first case, your child will be grossed out forever (or worse, think that’s normal).  In the second case, they’ll wonder what happened that day.  Best to have the slow but steady attitude.
  8. The time to fix your child’s bad habits is not at another child’s birthday party.
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